Poor Unfortunate Souls
by Snarkoleptic
Summary: A desire demon makes the most of her attempt to sway a mage.  Parody, modern culture reference, and maybe a little more crack.


**Title: **Poor Unfortunate Souls

**Summary: ** A desire demon makes the most of her attempt to sway a mage. Parody, modern culture reference, and maybe a little more crack.

**Disclaimer:** BioWare owns all; I just play in their pond. Apologies to the folks behind the song, as well, for my send-up of their lyrics.

**Author's Notes:** Maybe I should just stop talking to people. This one is all karebear's fault. I mean, I know humor is how I deal, so it's where I go after thinking too deeply about the treatment of mages in Thedas, but it has to end somewhere, doesn't it? ;)

For those who haven't seen them, karebear's stories of time in the Circle for her Rhyanon Amell and the Blight that comes after are incredibly compelling and real. Another author I recommend, and one with whom I could talk about Circle issues all day. When we're not discussing olive oil and blood magic and cartoons, prompting something like this to ... swim into my head.

If you need a frame of reference: ht tp:/ www. youtube. com / watch?v=VyFVG4VfPmg

Reviews are always welcome!

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><p>The demon turns from her mirror to the newest guest in the Fade, plastering upon her face what she hopes will pass for sincerity to emphasize her answer to his question.<p>

"My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I _live_ for. To help unfortunate mages. Like yourself!"

She approaches the mage, her hips swaying, alluring, drawing him in with every step.

"Poor souls with no one else to turn to…"

Taunting music answers her silent summons, whispering up from beyond the mage's perception. Trailing a finger among her creatively draped garments – after all, what's one _more_ thing for a little mage to ask for? – she begins her captivating siren's call.

_I admit that in the past I've been a nasty_

_They weren't kidding when they bid me tempt a witch_

_But you'll find that nowadays_

_I've mended all my ways_

_Repented, seen the light and made a switch_

_True? Yes!_

The demon sparks the Fade, summoning colors and sounds to accentuate her features as she steps away and offers her most inviting smile.

_And I fortunately know a little magic_

_In a talent tree I always have possessed_

_And just lately, please don't laugh_

_I use it on behalf_

_Of the miserable, cornered and depressed_

_(Just like you.)_

The demon steps seductively now, summoning a fountain of raw power around which to stalk, adding to the desires she hopes to touch within the mage.

_Poor unfortunate souls_

_In pain_

_In need_

_This one longing to be wiser_

_That one wants to see the world_

_And do I help them?_

_Yes, indeed_

_Those poor unfortunate souls_

_So sad_

_So true_

_They come flocking to my fountain_

_Crying "Spells, Ursula, please!"_

_And I help them!_

_Yes, I do._

Leaning forward to showcase her more desirable attributes, the demon sees she's caught the mage's ear and presses on with her enticement.

_Now it's happened once or twice_

_Someone couldn't pay the price_

_And I'm afraid I had to take 'em by the souls_

_Yes, I've had the odd complaint_

_But on the whole I've been a saint_

_To those poor unfortunate souls_

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><p>Placing a world of possibility into her smile, the demon asks the mage, "Have we got a deal?"<p>

"If I let you come in, I'll never get to see my friends again?"

"But you'll flee your cage. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh – and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment."

"But I don't have any-"

"I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. What I want from you… is your choice."

"But without that will, how can I-"

"You'll have your looks! That handsome face! And don't underestimate the importance of your freedom! Ha!"

* * *

><p><em>The world out there can't stand the thought of freedom<em>

_They think a man who walks alone to be a bore_

_In the land it's much preferred_

_To bow down without a word_

_And after all, dear, what is your freedom for?_

She closes the distance again, placing a hand on his cheek in a blatant hint of what he might have.

_Come on, they're not all that impressed with little leaders_

_True gentlemen avoid it when they can_

_Ladies dote and swoon and fawn_

_On men whose will has been withdrawn_

_It's he who bends his knee who's called a man_

She's sure she just about has him, circling his ethereal and unwelcome form, willing him to ask her **in**.

_Come __**on**__, you poor unfortunate soul_

_Go ahead!_

_Give your choice!_

_I'm a very busy spirit_

_And I haven't got all day_

_It won't cost much_

_Just your choice!_

_You poor unfortunate soul_

_It's sad_

_But true_

_If you want to cross the lake, my sweet_

_You've got to pay the toll_

_Take a pause and take a look_

_Then go ahead, let's have a roll!_

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><p>Anders wakes, looking about the apprentice quarters, wondering if any of the others had ever seen temptation presented in such a way. It was certainly… novel, he had to give her that. But did she really think anyone in Thedas was going to fall for it?<p>

_Maker… I need to lay off the olive oil after sunset._


End file.
